Nothing makes you appreciate the time you spend with your family over the holidays than the first day back at the office. It's no secret that my love for my job is about as strong as a wet spaghetti noodle, but man is it hard trying to reacquaint myself with work after a week of snuggling with wife and child and ignoring all responsibility. My to-do list is as long as ever, and aside from one phone call I've made precisely zero progress on it. Take THAT Corporate America! You may enslave, me but you can't get me to do your bidding! What, our bonuses aren't final yet? Um...OK, let me get right on that report you needed....
I got a late Christmas present from MIM a couple days ago...a meme! Fun for me, as it removes all accountability for being interesting and clever, and I can just go into SAT question/response mode. Let me brew up some coffee, get my #2 pencil ready, establish solid line-of-sight with my neighbors paper, and dive right in:
First, I need to tag five people:
5. Chris at Rude Cactus
Because I know you all love these sooooo much
What were you doing ten years ago?
I was living in Minneapolis, probably freezing my nuts off. That may have been the year the high temperature didn’t break 0 for six days straight, my car actually froze to the road, and they set the record for lowest non-wind-chill temperature at –60. I was living in a grungy one-bedroom apartment in Uptown, spending every night trying to convince my friends to play pool and exploring the marvelous beer list at Williams Pub, catch a flick at the Lagoon theater, or see the Offspring or Soul Asylum at First Ave. I rode my bike to work (although not in January), dated sporadically, and even had a side job at the French Meadow Bakery selling vegan cookies and discussing the drug problems of the rest of the staff (get the sourdough…you never know what secret ingredient may have accidentally spilled into the dough). We'd bring the day old muffins to the bar next door after closing and get free pitchers until 1 AM. Generally I felt unhinged most of the time since I was bored bored bored bored. I miss those heady days before my life had meaning sometimes…
What were you doing one year ago?
I was just getting comfortable with the concept of being a dad, which for me is not dissimilar from ignoring it. Most significantly, I was in the middle of the biggest career change of my life, jumping ship from the company I grew up in to their arch-enemy (which had always been described as the Dark Side, and was officially confirmed about a week after starting) and was doing last minute planning for a trip to Hawaii. Man, a lot has happened since then.
Five snacks you enjoy:
- Nachos – is that a snack or a food group? (I’m on a life-long quest to find the world’s perfect nachos…if you can recommend a place I will fly to your town and test them with you.)
- Beer, and not your crappy Coorsmilweiser…the regional/micro-brew/imported kind
- Pretzel cookies from Whole Foods
- Cheese, Gromit….cheese!
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics
- "Rock Me Gently" by Andy Kim
- "Bust a Move" by Young MC
- "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" by Georgia Satellites
- "Don’t You Want Me" by Human League
- "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks
I also still remember all of "Tubthumping" and most of Schoolhouse Rock, but who doesn’t?
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
- Pay off some debt
- Completely upgrade every electronic component in my house and network the crap out of the place so I could operate the DVD player with my eyes.
- Invest so my wife never has to work again
- Get some property, maybe in Tuscany or Cap Ferrat
- Keep a wad of benjamins in my pocket so I can whip them out whenever I’d like to say “maybe this will refresh your memory” or “I don’t need this stinkin’ job, bee-atch!”
Five bad habits
- I pick at my sideburns.
- I clip my nails in the living room
- I roam the floor at work looking for bowls of candy
- I don’t know when to turn off the TV, even when my body or wife is sending me clear signals
- I chase, kill and eat hobos
Five things I like doing
- Pursuing intellectual discourse in the company of like-minded people
- Video game marathons
- Long showers
- Fantasy football (to the exclusion of all else sometimes)
- Rubbing my face in Cheeky’s belly
Five things you never wear, buy, or get new again
My favorite toys
- My iPod, but that’s more of a medical life-support device at this point
- My unlicensed nuclear accelerator
- My laser pointer
- This stupid rubber diaphragm-like thing I got in a Captain Crunch box in 1993, which was later recalled because someone either chocked or was injured with it. You turn it inside out, place it on your desk, and it pops into the air. Hours of fun on a conference call
Now get back to work.