Cheeky freakin' hated me yesterday.
I had the early shift yesterday morning, so when Cheeky woke up at ass-o'clock I stumbled up to get her. I'd been up a little late the night before for no reason whatsoever, and I was barely conscious. It was in this mildly retarded mental state that my nightmare began.
Are you hungry? Here's some food. Not hungry? Why aren't you eating? You haven't eaten. You need to eat. You hungry. Not for food? How about formula? Ah that's better. Wait, don't twist your head. You're not hungry? Ok, we can do something else. Oh, now you want the bottle? Here's the bottle. I guess you don't want it. Are you hungry? GAH!
Do you want to play? Let me put you down. No good? Do you want me to hold you? Ok, I'll hold you. Where are you going? Does this hurt or something? Do you want that? No, not that. That? Here. Well, you shouldn't have thrown it. OK, here it is again. I'm not going to get that again if you keep throwing it. Do you want something else? How about this? No, that's daddy's coffee...very hot. Where are you going? You want me to put you down? OK, here you go. No, that's not what you wanted. No, I won't let you brain yourself on the coffee table. Stop squirming. Stop whining. Please please stop whining. No, crying is not a substitute for whining! GAH!
Sweety, you're tired...let's go to sleep. Yes, so tired. That's it...close your eyes. Do you want your blanket? Here's your blanket. I thought you wanted your blanket? No? That's it...go to sleep. What's wrong? Stop twisting? You'll feel better if you sleep! Are you sleeping? Can you cry while you sleep? Apparently. That can't be good. That's it. That's better. OK, finally. No wait! Don't wake up? OK, I'll pick you up again. Good...you don't need to cry. OK, finally. No wait! Don't wake up? Why are you awake? You were just asleep! GAH!
And repeat. Over and over and over again. All day. GAH!
This got old really fast, and even though I knew it wasn't her fault I started getting pissed. Really, really pissed. It was a completely involuntary reaction, and I'm disappointed in myself for letting it get to me, but there it is. I'm sure Cheeky sensed it, too, which probably made it worse. I literally had to hand her off to Oodgie (very nearly a forward pass) and walk away to pull myself together. By mid-day I was back to being Patient Dad, but I have a new appreciation for Oodgie's daily routine, as well as the medicinal value of babysitters and Balvenie.
Cheeky and I made up this morning, so it's all good. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue...