First, thanks to everyone who offered kind word and best wishes for Michael's pending Iraqi tour. Your support is greatly appreciated!! We're all feeling a little better now that the initial "holy crap!" moment has passed, and since he's not shipping out until April I've still got time to give him some titty twisters and indian burns before he leaves. Thanks to Mr. Big Dubya, I also have some appropriate names to tease him with--I particularly like "crunchy", and it doesn't mean the same thing in the army that it does in Berkeley.
Before I dive into this weeks Yahooligans, I have a request. We're leaving for Jamaica tomorrow for five days of glorious relaxation (sans Cheeky...thanks, ECG!) so it will be quiet here at the Hideaway for a little while. I was rummaging through my iPod putting together a playlist for the beach, and wanted some input on some appropriate sand and rum-punch tunes. Do you have any suggestions? I haven't added much, but so far I've got:
- Tons of Bob Marley (duh)
- The Harder They Come soundtrack
- Black Uhuru
- My entire Grateful Dead collection (including the Jerry Garcia Band)
- Jimmy Buffet
- Jack Johnson (including the new one)
As you can tell, I'm thinking a little mellow-bouncy would be good. Anything else you'd suggest?
Now, onto the Yahooligans:
HELEN FRANKENTHALER'S "THE BAY"
How would you like to be the father of the 12-year-old boy who, on a school trip to the Detroit Institute of Art, took a freshly chewed piece of Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice out of his mouth and stuck it on a $1.5 million painting? In the article I read about it they referred to the act as "impulsive delinquency." What do you call the act of spending $1.5 million dollars on something that looks like my daughter spilled Kool-Aid on it? Why are stains on canvas considered art? I'm surprised anyone noticed there was gum on it at all. No offense to Helen Frankenthaler, but I'd understand her work a lot more if she learned to draw that cartoon turtle the newspaper...
Sophia stars in a show I never watch, which I think is about kids doing things and hooking up and then doing more things etc etc etc. ZZZzzzzzzzz She want to annul her marriage to her co-star on the show, citing fraud. Here's what comes to mind:
- What the hell does "fraud" mean? Was he not who he said he was? Did he tug the sipper on his back down to reveal a sheepdog underneath?
- Annulment is "divorce" with prettier make-up on. Can't we just call it what it is?
- The WB network is still on the air?
- Romance at the office never works, Sophia...I hope you've learned your lesson.
Here's an idea I can get behind. There's a web-site where you can look up registered sex offenders who live near you. How miserable would your life be if you were branded with your crime everywhere you went? That's a punishment that fits the crime! What other things could we think up? Could we make thieves walk around in clear, giant balls so they can't touch anything? Or float arsonists out onto a wood raft in the ocean with a box of matches? And the guy who cuts in front of me on the freeway has to spend the rest of his life riding a tricycle tied to the back of my car? Someone needs to make me a king so I can enact this sort of stuff, as well as my "daily massage for the king...with release" law.
I couldn't believe this was #5 on the list when I first saw it. Then I realized everyone must be feeling guilty because they can name more Simpsons characters than rights protected by the First Amendment. Do people choo-choo-choose to be this ignorant? Are they all drinking Flaming Moe's with Handsome Pete and Bleeding Gums Murphy? Before I ever buy my daughter a Malibu Stacy doll I'll make sure she turns off Gabbo long enough to memorize those precious, inalienable rights: freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of....um....assembly, and....er...freedom of choice ....and....oh, I know! Freedom 90.
Have a great weekend, everybody! I'll see your pale, pasty asses next week!