I had planned to lead off the weekend with a meme from my friend Freezio (who would have been welcome in the Legion of Doom), but I was alerted to a contest Paige is running on her blog aptly titled "The Shittiest Mix Tape Challenge." Suddenly all ability to focus on any other activity today evaporated. And so, like Reggie Jackson, I must drop everything and kill...the queen.
The rules are simple:
- 5 songs
- Cover art is optional but encouraged
- MP3 of the tracks if possible
That's it. But how to approach this? Do I select the most aurally offensive songs I can think of? Or songs by artists who should know better? What about something I just think is stupid and wrong and should be wiped off the face of the planet? How do I decide?
I didn't really. There is no theme...in fact, there's even a song or two on here which I enjoy, if for no other reason than it's so bad it becomes almost kinda good. But taken as a whole I suspect the following five would be enough to peel the skin off a badger from 30 feet. Enjoy!
"All For Love" by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, and Sting:
Remember when Sting was still sorta cool? When this piece of garbage came out I remember asking myself what the hell he was thinking. I mean Bryan was never that great to begin with, and Rod...Rod had given up any molecule of self-respect sometime around "Love Touch." If you want to know what music written in a board room sounds like, this is it. Blech.
"You've Got the Touch" by Dirk Diggler:
I think this song is a work of genius. It's transcendent. It's excrutiating. Whenever I hear it I see John C. Reilly ROCKING OUT in the boothe.
This kid is going to be a great big bright shining star. At least part of him is...
.
This just sucks. Every other song on this album is top notch, and then suddenly they jump in with something that my daughter might accidentally bang out on a Wurlitzer. It's like standing too close to a braking locomotive while Stomp is performing behind you.
Why?
I could ask that of everything Axl has done in the last 15 years, but this in particular. No wonder people started buying Nirvana albums.
But it pales in comparison to the last one...
You've just got to hear it. You'll understand. Her voice and phrasing is so ... pretty? Let's just say it may replace William Shatner's "The Transormed Man" in your collection....
Top that, kids. Have a great weekend!
Hmmmmm - Wing. Very good - but I think the rest of your list bows down in awe to the one I have compiled
Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya | May 26, 2006 at 02:31 PM
The Wing...Oh wow, that just exploded my head, or imploded my head or something. How did Wing ever enter into your conciousness? That's the best thing I've heard in my life. It filled me with life blood and a deep sense of urgency. I'm totally ready to get my pump on at step-aerobics this morning. Thank you, Wing's "Back in Black," thank you for existing.
Posted by: Emily | May 27, 2006 at 09:40 AM
Wing? The only worse cover is The Pet Shop Boys doing "Always on My Mind".
Why didn't I use that one?
Dammit!
Posted by: Sarah | May 29, 2006 at 01:17 PM
I can't believe I have never heard the Wing Cover album. I now know what I must do this week.
Posted by: misfithausfrau | May 30, 2006 at 09:37 PM
When i first came across this contest (or whatever), the first song that came to mind was Mother. by itself, it's horrible, but in context of the album, it makes sense since Jung was once a follower of Freud's.
Posted by: Bashandpop | June 01, 2006 at 05:22 PM
I just shared the Wing BIB with my husband. After 15 seconds of her singing, he said "this is easily the shittiest thing I have heard...well, in a long, long time." Good work, you've got our vote!
Posted by: nonlineargirl | June 03, 2006 at 11:02 PM