I'm mentally operating at about one-quarter impulse power today. I flew to L.A. on a late night flight for some work meetings, and since being expelled from Continental's Elite program last year I was relegated to a middle seat in the back of the plane, a couple aisles in front of a screaming baby and about 10 centimeters behind the reclined seat in front of me. I still feel like my shoulders are touching my nipples.
To make matters worse, my cab took me to the Marriott in Marina Del Rey, which as it turns out was not the only Marriott in Marina Del Rey. I discovered this at about 4 AM Eastern time; my body couldn't understand why I'd still be up without partying or video games involved. I walked into a well-appointed lobby, wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and pass out, but was told I had to take another cab to what appeared upon entry to be the first Marriott every built, presumably from pre-stained materials. And I hadn't even made it to the room yet...
This morning, I arrived at the office and stared longingly at the festively decorated Starbucks cups people were carrying when I got to the office. i begged to know where to get one, and someone helpfully pointed out that there was a Starbucks "just up on the corner."
To a New Yorker that means something very different than it does in California. New Yorkers wouldn't cross the street to get a cup of coffee*, which is why Starbucks has built one on every single block. When I think "up on the corner" I expect it to be no more than 30 yards from me, past two nail salons, a Dutch-Mayan restaurant, and several pool of unidentified liquid. Things are on a different scale here, and getting "up to the corner" requires half a tank of gas and some MRE's. How will we ever end our dependence on foreign oil if we keep building things so far away?
What I needed was Starbucks Special Forces to burst through the windows and skylights, hand me a venti with a Red Bull chaser, and cover me while I drank it. instead, I popped a couple Tylenol and hoped no one noticed me staring at them.
* We only cross the street to punch people in the nuts