I Freakin' Hate Penguins

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time we face a growing menace which is threatening our collective sanity and ripping at the very fabric of our society. 

It is time we exterminated the penguins.

They may appear to be silly, harmless creatures, but there's an insidious scheme at work to infiltrate our culture and wrestle the mantle of Most Obnoxiously Over-Hyped Animal from the dinosaurs.

I used to give them little more than a passing thought.  I'd see them at the zoo and think stupid bird can't even fly they're great swimmers and sorta funny.  Then I'd move on to the otters. 

I live in New York.  They live at the South Pole.  There are no direct flights.  Everyone is happy.

Then came March of the Penguins, and I thought, "Wow, that's interesting...I didn't know that."

Then came Happy Feet, and I thought, "How stupid do they think we are?"  (The answer?  "Very."  And they were right.)

I started seeing penguins everywhere.  On Elmo and Dora.  In the playoffs.  In hallucinations. 

Now, they're surfing. 

I'm an environmentalist at heart, and have never before called for the eradication of an entire species (except for unicorns, but they had it coming).  But they've gone too far.  We're sitting on a stockpile of weapons, and they can't run for shit.   

I say we nuke the bastards before they start hosting their own talk shows.  We missed our opportunity with Rosie...let's not make the same mistake twice.
 

Comments

[whit]

Nice call on the Billy Madison link!

While I agree that penguins are outstaying their welcome, I am not sure that the entire penguin agenda is evil. I really enjoy the work of Opus.

[mr. big dubya]

It's too damn hot for a penguin to just be waaalking around!

I'm with Whit - Opus can stay. I'm fine with him as long as he keeps an eye on Bill the Cat and Milquetoast.

[Arwen]

Opus must remain intact. Can we nuke other things as well? Like all the creators of the critters of the stupid movies our children insist on seeing? Maybe that's too harsh...maybe not.

[Martin]

Dinosaurs over-rated?! Sir, I protest. But yeah by all means spare Opus. And maybe Tux the linux penguin as well?

[Martin]

Oh, er and maybe sparky the penguin from This Modern World.

[merseydotes]

We got Happy Feet from the Redbox last weekend, and Basil and I thought it was the most unwatchable piece of crap we'd seen in a LONG time. Petunia, of course, loved it. We drank a lot of wine to make it through that movie.

[Phil]

What've you got against Burgess Meredith?!?!?

[TheOtherCW]

Do be do be doooooo....

[the weirdgirl]

I'm having a flashback of the Futurama penguin episode.