It is time we exterminated the penguins.
They may appear to be silly, harmless creatures, but there's an insidious scheme at work to infiltrate our culture and wrestle the mantle of Most Obnoxiously Over-Hyped Animal from the dinosaurs.
I used to give them little more than a passing thought. I'd see them at the zoo and think
stupid bird can't even fly they're great swimmers and sorta funny. Then I'd move on to the otters.
Then came March of the Penguins, and I thought, "Wow, that's interesting...I didn't know that."
Now, they're surfing.
I'm an environmentalist at heart, and have never before called for the eradication of an entire species (except for unicorns, but they had it coming). But they've gone too far. We're sitting on a stockpile of weapons, and they can't run for shit.
I say we nuke the bastards before they start hosting their own talk shows. We missed our opportunity with Rosie...let's not make the same mistake twice.