It's that time of year again, when the lovely and talented Paige is challenging us all here on the Internets to devise the shittiest mix-tape imaginable. Last year my boy Aaron won, while Sarah put up one hell of a fight. I seriously underestimated the strength of my competition (and the universal hatred of Metal Machine Music) and was caught flat-footed, but this year I'm turning it up to eleven.
Brace yourselves...here it is:
Luca Turilli - "The Ancient Forest of Elves"
It's like the freakish spawn of Spinal Tap and the Dungeon Master's Guide.
"R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
Did you know this is Jon Bon Jovi's first recording ever? That's him on lead vocals. I wonder why he doesn't play it in his Jersey shows...
Clint Black - "Iraq & Roll"
The title would be enough to make the list alone, but the misplaced machismo and patriot-pandering catapult it into the stars of shittiness.
Captain Lou Albano - "Captain Lou's History of Music/Captain Lou"
You know what's a good idea? Making a whole album of music sung by professional wrestlers. And yes, that's the former governor of Minnesota on the cover.
Wing - "Highway to Hell"
I ♥ Wing. As long as she keeps covering AC/DC she'll have a place on this list.
As a special treat, here's what almost (but didn't) make the list. Tank tops, hearts with wings, crotch-grabbing...what more could you want?