Cheeky's Hideaway: Answers, Answers, We Got Answers!

I would remiss in not wishing a belated Happy Birthday to Oodgie, who turned thirt....ack.....ack.....can't.....breathe....*cough cough*

OK, she turned older on Friday. We went to Fuerzabruta to celebrate (German for "People on pulleys are COMING TO KILL YOU") and had an evening of adult conversation, a rarity at Casa de Cheeky. Cheeky got her flowers, which are strangely adorned with kumquats (note to self: the next time you tell the florist to use "whatever is seasonal and pretty" be more specific) and I promised her she could leave the house for two days without Cheeky for a battery recharge. It's the best I could come up with...she's harder to buy for than Gandhi.

On to matters of greater import...

One of the disadvantages of asking my audience for posting advice is that they are such a rare, exotic breed as to be classified as an endangered species. I did, however, get a few requests, and I supplemented then from other sources, so rather than lament my fantasy football season or my work schedule let me offer instead these answers to your probing questions:

What is the most embarrassing concert you ever attended? -- Sarah

Embarrassing? I don't make it to concerts often enough to consider any of them truly "embarrassing." However, the summer the Monsters of Rock came through town I asked my parents to go. They said no, but they did take me to see Harry Belafonte as a birthday gift. Same thing, right?

Briefs, boxers, commando or thong? -- Whit

None of the above. I prefer something more cozy.

Why is the sky blue? -- local 12 year old

Because if it were green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing

What is your favorite Beatles song and why? -- Landismom

Holy cow...how do you pick? I've always liked "Blackbird" and "Eleanor Rigby," and "The Inner Light" is totally underappreciated. If I had to pick one it would be "Norwegian Wood," but I could rattle off 20 others that on any given week could knock it out of its perch. Talk to me again next week.

Why do you want to work at our company? -- Prospective employer

Well, sir, I've done a lot of research, and I'm impressed with the innovative work your company is doing, and how it's positioning itself as an agent of growth in the industry. Furthermore, I like what the company stands for, and how it constantly strives to be an advocate for its customers. I certainly believe that my background and skills can enhance what your organization is trying to accomplish, but it's just as important to me that I believe in what I'm doing, and being a part of your organization looks like an ideal place to meet that need.

Sushi or kosher deli? -- Arwen

Whichever is closest when I'm hungry. Laziness determines 98% of my choices in life.

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? -- Bridgekeeper

Do you mean an African or European swallow?

What's the best/worst smells of parenthood? -- Keersten

Ugh, tough one. The "odorless" Diaper Genie we had for a while made Cheeky's room smell like a monkey cage, but I think the winner is the B.O. of our new babysitter, who hasn't bathed since her 6th birthday. As far as the best smell, that's the suddenly resurgent scent of mac 'n' cheese in our home, a splendiforous delight absent in my home since junior year. (FYI, I guarantee that anything that ends with "'n' cheese" is gonna smell good)

How would you compare the process by which the Spanish Empire was built between 1450 and 1800 with that of the empire-building process of the Ottoman empire? -- Mr. Mizoguchi, my AP History Professor

The Spanish Empire was at the forefront of global exploration in the 15th and 16th centuries. It's conquests of the newly discovered territories of the Western Hemisphere (legitimized by Papal ascent via the Treaty of Tordesillas) and the plundered gold of the conquered Native American civilizations there funded the development of an experienced navy. Meanwhile their fiercely political marriage policies established dynastic ties over the Holy Roman Empire, the Low Countries, and much of the Mediterranean. The Ottoman Empire, by contrast employed an aggressive policy of using padded, upholstered seating to woo trading partners and to defeat enemies in southeast Europe and Persia. With their enemies significantly reclined, they were able establish a lasting dominance in the Near East for many centuries.

I'm sure Cheeky's looking forward to me helping with her homework someday. Got any more questions? Send them my way!