New Year's Day is a weird holiday. It has no religious or historical context. There aren't any unique celebrations; it shares it's traditions with it's more pugilistic cousin, St. Patrick's Day. If it weren't for the cringe-inducing appearance of Dick Clark at Time's Square we'd probably have no shared memory of the event. It's a federal holiday by coincidence, based solely on it's lucky spot on the calendar.
But what a spot, eh? Right at the cusp between one solar year and another (however subjective that demarcation is) and at the tail of a flurry of family celebrations which provide an excellent base to soak up the alcohol consumed. It provides an excellent opportunity to look forward to the year ahead, and to reflect on the year that's coming to a close.
Which is a long and fancy way of saying it's time for the CroutonBoy's 2007 Year-End Awards! The envelope please...
The Honoré de Balzac Award for Most Satisfying End to a Massive Read
J.K. Rowling, who somehow managed to make 8 years and 4,195 pages completely worth it
The Wes Welker Award for Best Supporting Addition to an Already Successful Team
J.B. Smoove (NSFW) on Curb Your Enthusiasm
The Phil Spector Award for Being Scarier than His Haircut
Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men
The Lisa Fischer/Patti Labelle Award for Albums So Good They're Both "Album of the Year"
The Sir Chaloner Ogle Award for the Biggest Blow to my Music Collection
The death of Oink
The Hannibal Lecter Award for Most Disturbing Quote of the Year
The Anna Nicole Smith Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Rapid Descent of a Celebrity Family into "Train-Wreck" Status
The Dane Cook "STFU and Go Away" Award
Rosie O'Donnell, again
The Hindenberg "Crash of the Year" Award
The Steve Jobs Annual "Product of the Year" Award
The D.B. Cooper Award for Most Mysterious Disappearance
Our babysitter/cleaning lady/practically member of the family, Ilot, who we've only managed to confirm as "not dead"
The John Carpenter "Moment of Terror" Award
The "To Spend Time With My Kids" Award for Fakest Excuse
The Charles Barkley Award for Best Player Not to Win the Big One
Me. For the first time in a decade I didn't win or place in at least one of my fantasy football leagues. I actually missed the playoffs in ALL of them, including the Blogpound. (Congrats, Marginally Clever...next year, you bastard). Inexplicable.
I hope you all have a safe and happy new year! Here's hoping the next 12 months have fewer explosions, less Rihanna, and more ice cream for everyone!