I'm obviously a huge movie buff. In addition to obsessively quoting them and challenging anyone foolish enough to think they can top me at movie trivia, I also follow the weekend box office (cringing every time Nicholas Cage or Adam Sandler gets a #1 movie) and, of course, religiously watch the Oscars.
It's the only award show I can think of that actually does a passable job of honoring the best of the business (unlike, say, the Grammies) and get pumped up when my favorite movies win. Sure, I'm a little bummed that my three favorite films from last year didn't get a Best Picture nod, but I have to acknowledge that maybe two hours of battle-porn isn't for everyone. This could be the last year that my movie watching isn't dominated by crap like Alvin & the Chipmunks or The Game Plan, so I'd better milk this for whatever I can.
So tonight I'll TRY to live-blog the ceremony. By the end I'll probably want to put a gun to my head (and the longer I have to listen to Regis interview blow-hard movie stars that may happen sooner) but hopefully Jon Stewart will keep me sane. No promises, though...if it gets too long or too smug I may call it quits early. Here we go:
8:21 - Holy god, how long does the damn red carpet ceremony last? This is excruciating! Why do I care if Hillary Swank is wearing Versace? I may have to start drinking right now.
8:33 - Viggo Mortenson looks like Chewbacca
8:40 - Gaydolf Titler. Heh. The asteroid joke was better, though
8:41 - We're starting with costumes? Zzzzzzzz.
8:52 - Why does Anne Hathaway's nose look like a ostrich beak straight on? Is that an optical illusion?
8:59 - Why the fuck does Enchanted have three songs nominated? Did no one see Into the Wild? Those Disney songs are such treacle I want to wretch. I'd take the Transformers soundtrack over that crap in a heartbeat.
9:11 - I usually try to predict the Oscars on Dadcentric, but I never got around to it this year. I was too busy posting videos of animals cursing instead. I've got to admit, though, that I've been dead wrong on almost all of my predictions so far.
9:18 - Javier Bardem. Swish. Thank god, too, because if he hadn't won he'd have eliminated the competition with a compressed-air gun.
9:31 - Remember when they inserted Beavis & Butthead into the Academy Awards? That was funnier than Jerry Seinfeld's bee cameo. A lot funnier. And I don't remember laughing. How stupid do they think we are? By the way, how far back do they stick the guys who are nominated for this? I think the winners had to walk around some popcorn vendors to get to the stage.
9:38 - I thought Tilda Swinton should have been nominated for Narnia. Michael Clayton was awesome, too...good for her!
9:44 - How much fun do you think Jessica Alba had at the Scientific/Technical Awards after-party? I'll bet lots of guys asked her to sign their Dark Angel figurines.
9:48 - Oodgie is bored out of her mind...she just bailed. I've got to admit, so am I.
10:03 - Sound editing. Uh, what? At least I liked the Bourne Ultimatum. It totally rocked...if you haven't seen it, rent it now. Seriously, right now...it's probably more entertaining than this.
10:06 - Dude, they just showed a clip with the scorpion Transformer. They need an award for the most bad-assed monster-thing of the year. That would totally win.
10:12 - Man, my predictions SUCKED tonight. Marion Cotillard? Never saw that coming. Then again I didn't see La Vie en Rose. And neither did you, admit it. It made less money than Pathfinder: Legend of the Ghost Warrior.
10:27 - Could Renee Zellweger be the squintiest person alive?
10:31 - Hey, Nicole Kidman, I haven't seen that much bling since Mr. T.
10:44 - I love how they say, "This is the second award...for Austria" As if the whole country got together with a bunch of camcorders to make it.
10:48 - Oodgie was begging me to make that last song from Enchanted stop. It went on about 4 minutes too long.
10:49 - BTW, I used to like John Travolta. Now I just want him to trip and fall head-first into a bear trap.
10:52 - Yeah! Once! And kudos to Stewart for letting the girl come back out to say thanks.
11:01 - It's obituary time. Let's see who bums me out the most. Yep, Heath Ledger. No surprise there.
11:11 - For my money, I still think Tom Hanks peaked during the second season of Bosom Buddies.
11:23 - When the hell is Harrison Ford going to get his Oscar? Come ON! As for the award, I'm pulling hard for Juno.
11:25 - Ok, that's like the third one I've got right tonight.
11:34 - "Did you see what his wife was wearing?" Oodgie asks. Daniel Day Lewis' date does have something rather...unique on. Hey, she's there with DDL...she can wear bright red ribbon-straps and a plastic spaceship brooch if she wants.
11:38 - Definitely ready for this to end. This is paced like a drive across Wyoming.
11:44 - Finally, the guys who brought you Fargo and the Big Lebowski get their due. Now I can go to bed.
That's it (thankfully). Next year I'll read someone else's blog. Hope you all won your Oscar pools, 'cause I sure look like a moron right now.