Cheeky's Hideaway

Top 25 Songs of the Last 25 Years - The Top 5

And here they are: the grand, time-wasting finale!  These are the five songs that, since I was a wee lad in 1984, have stuck with me the most, brought me the most joy, and to this day still move me to sing, dance, and generally embarrass myself in public. 

Now you know.  And knowing is half the battle.

Don Henley - Boys of Summer

Don Henley - Boys Of Summer
by jpdc11

The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary

The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary
by scootaway

LCD Soundsystem - Daft Punk is Playing at My House




Guns 'n' Roses - Paradise City



Tom Petty - Free Fallin'

Let the debate begin!  Think I made a gross oversight?  Suck it

Top 25 Songs of the Last 25 Years - #25-16

A friend alerted me to the upcoming 25th Anniversary Issue of American Songwriter, in which they'll have a section on the best 25 songs of the last 25 years.  They've apparently been conducting reader polls, contests, etc., to get everyone's feedback on what those 25 songs should be.

By now you all of you know I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff.  Hell, I spent an entire summer counting down my top 100 albums of all time, and every music meme that comes my way gets an inordinate amount of attention (while I systematically ignore all the tumultuous personal stuff that's going on in our lives...but more on that another time). So as you can imagine this got me thinking...

It's a tough list.  It can only include songs that came out after 1984.  All the heavy hitters (Beatles, Dylan, Zeppelin, Stones, etc.) are effectively disqualified.  Most of the best punk and new wave albums wouldn't count either.  A huge number of the go-to songs you'd immediately think of as among the greatest don't cut it.

Let me put things in perspective for you.  Michael Jackson's Thriller came out at the end of 1982. So did Duran Duran's Rio.  Pyromania was in 1983, the same year the The Police broke up.  None are eligible.  Feel old now?

So I'm starting a meme.  I'm going to publish my top 25 songs of the last 25 years, and I want you guys to do the same on your blogs (and link back to here so I know you've done it!)  Let's see what a bunch of old farts like us come back with.

So to kick things off, I'm offering up #25-16 on my list, in no particular order.  Next will be #15-6, and I'll end with my top 5 next week.  I'm imposing a rule on myself which limits one song per artist (otherwise Appetite for Destruction would take up half the list).  It's a personal list (i.e. my favorites) but factors such as success, influence, state of the world at the time, and overall song quality are all part of it.  I personally can't wait to see all of yours.

Here we go...the first ten...

Robyn Hitchcock - Balloon Man

via videosift.com

Hoodoo Gurus - Bittersweet

Young MC - Bust a Move

Garth Brooks - Friends in Low Places

MARRS - Pump Up the Volume

U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

INXS - Need You Tonight

INXS - Need You Tonight
by trashfan

Blind Melon - No Rain

Deee-Lite - Groove is in the Heart

What do you think so far? Are any of these on your lists? And don't get all up in my grill about omitted songs until I get through the next 15...stay tuned...

Character Study - a Movie Meme (UPDATED)

My old pal Sparky over at Dirt & Noise, knowing full-well my dangerous and unhealthy love of fictional characters at the expense of real-life people, threw down the gauntlet (or, more accurately, a Tweetlet) and challenged me to a movie meme.  Since I'm now entering year three of writer's block I took her up on it. 

The meme is simple: name your ten favorite movie characters. An interesting challenge, as that's not the same as your ten favorite movies.  It took a lot to whittle it down to ten, and I made some hard sacrifices (Darth Vader and the centurion from Life of Brian were the last to fall) but when I look at the final list there's not a weak link.  They may not all be the most nuanced creations, but they're mine.

The Bride (Kill Bill) - For having a purpose, sticking with it, and being unstoppable in its pursuit.

The Dude (The Big Lebowski) - For abiding, and for always protecting his beverage.

Jerry Lundegaard (Fargo) - For perfectly embodying repressed emotions

The McKenzie Brothers (Strange Brew) - It's like two for one, eh.  Beauty.

Blake (Glengary Glen Ross) - Because in life first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado, second prize is set of steak knives, and third prize is you're fired.

Carl Spackler (Caddyshack) - As required by law.  Quotability counts double.

Long Duck Dong (Sixteen Candles) - For living the American dream.

Corky St. Clair (Waiting for Guffman) - For dreaming big, and biting his pillow.

Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction) - Because he sure enjoys a tasty burger, and because all he really wants to do is walk the earth, like Caine in "Kung Fu"

Gny. Sgt. Hartman (Full Metal Jacket) - For making men out of maggots.

Questions? Comments? Bueller? Bueller?

UPDATE:  I've made a horrible mistake.  Somehow I forgot to consider perhaps the greatest creation of modern cinema.  All other characters immediately fall down one slot to make room for the king: Randall, from Clerks.

Ocho! Ocho! Una meme del P-Man!

My apologies to any Spanish speakers if the title above is a grammatic fiasco.  If it weren't for Dora I'd know no Spanish at all.

P-man, my main Canuck, lobbed one of the vaguest memes in history my way.  The rules, as stolen second-hand directly from his blog, are:

-list 8 facts/habits about yourself
-post the rules at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed wherever you damn well please.
-tag 8 people and post their names, go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and ask them to read your blog.

Eight facts or habits.  That's like asking for eight examples of stuff.  I choose to assume the ambiguity is intentional, so the interpretation says as much about the responding blogger as the facts themselves.  Which leads me to this:

1)  I tend to over-analyze rules and requests to the point of mental paralysis.   If you've ever sent me an e-mail I've probably pronounced it verbally six different ways in my head to understand the intonation and make sure I get the multiple layers of meaning.  You probably didn't know there were multiple layers of meaning there, did you, but I psychoanalyzed your keystrokes and now know you better than you know yourself.  In fact, I can tell by the way P-man told me about the meme that he's a Gemini, recently had an argument with Mo-Wo about money, secretly wishes he was Elton John, and is suffering from severe flatulence. 

2)  I've been assigned a simple task to replace our bathroom door with something a tad thicker so our apartment doesn't sound like an artillery range every time we flush the toilet.  I'm convinced this is a simple task involving three easy steps:

a) find door
b) buy door
c) hang door

But I've shown a shocking inability to get past the first step.  It's like my programming doesn't allow me to identify a lumber source, just like my programmed inability to arrest a senior executive of OCP.  I've got the dimensions on a post-it note that looks like it was inside an embedded soldier's ruck-sack since January, and a blind conviction that a trip to Home Depot would end in a needlessly frustrating shouting match with the lumber-guys.  But I've got nothing that looks like a plan. 

3)  I'm convinced that my socks do not match my outfit.  Ever.  I like the short socks with the little puff-balls on the back that keep them up, but they don't seem to go with anything.

4)  ¿Quien es mas macho? ¿Ricardo Montalban...o Fernando Lamas?  Ricardo Montalban es un poco mas macho.

5)  I have a cell phone, but I never turn it on.  I know...this sort of defeats the purpose of owning a cell phone.  I generally only use it to retrieve messages I missed and return the calls days after their relevancy has faded.  What happened to old idea of being out?   Do you really need to talk to me right now?  In my defense, though, my phone sucks; the act of turning it on drains two bars from the battery meter.   

6) I'm a big over-tipper.  I get some heat from the from other members of my family, who think that extra buck I give the waitress, delivery guy or cab-driver could be the one that plunges us into financial ruin.  The way I figure it, though, these people are doing these jobs because we don't want to, and the reason we don't want to do them is because those jobs suck.  I'm much more willing to believe a waiter was slow or a bit of a douchebag to me because some knob at table 3 thought his mashed potatoes were too lumpy than that the person is actually an idiot, and they could probably use a little kindness every once in a while. 

7) I will never, ever, ever understand why people think this stuff is funny.

8) On the other hand, I think this is totally awesome.  I watched part of it Saturday night (in high def, of course) and had we not had guests would have gleefully watched it all night long.

I just can't bring myself to tag other people, especially when I barely have the time to post on their blogs for legitimate reasons.  But if you feel the urge to take this one up then knock yourself out.

Six Things You're Going to Wish I Didn't Tell You About Myself

It has been a while since a meme has made it my way, but Herr Freezio has tagged me and I must oblige.  As I've said before I kinda like memes because it eliminates the need to think of something to write about, which is about 70% of the challenge of writing.  Only 10% of the remainder is actually writing--the rest is coming up with a clever headline and finding juvenile things to link to. 

This one requires me to reveal six unsightly offensive weird things about myself you may not know.  There's not a lot I've held back about on this blog, so I don't know if any of the stuff below is actually news or not.  But whatever...if you've read this far you're already committed and compelled to read on.

1. I'm divorced.  Oodgie is not the first to suffer the slings and arrow of life with CroutonBoy.  I was married for about two years (although we weren't together that whole time) and nearly alienated all my friends and family in the process of holding that colossal mistake together.  But it was a painless, amicable split, and I tend to forget it ever happened.  I sorta saw it coming when we spent hours having conversations like, "if we ever split up, I'd like to keep that rug."  Are you having that conversation with your spouse?  Call me...we should talk.
2. I sometimes cry at movies.  I got a little misty at the end of Pan's Labyrinth.  Pretty much any tearful goodbye between a parent and child has a high risk of squeezing a couple drops out of the waterworks.  And Field of Dreams?  Fuggedaboutit.  I'm usually pretty good at sucking it up (a trick I use is to laugh at the crying people around me) and still vastly prefer to watch things blow up.  I'm just sayin' that I'm not afraid to be a pussy explore my sensitive side every once in a while.
3. I'm totally anal about my books.  I can't stand it when people break the spine of a book, even a cheap paperback.  I take off the dust cover when I read them because I don't want it to tear or get smudged.  I arrange the books on the shelf by size and color, but try to get books of similar styles together when possible.  I never lend them because you might not give them back.  Want to read a book for free?  Go to the library.  Just stay away from my shelves.
4. It takes all my self-control not to correct Cheeky when she plays with stickers.  I was the kid who recreated the picture with the Star Trek Colorforms exactly as it appeared on the back of the package.  When Cheeky sticks a fire engine in the sky I sometimes, when she's not looking, unpeel it and put it back on the ground.  She then proceeds to cover it with a bear or an octopus, which makes me wince.  There is something seriously wrong with me.
5. I have terrible vocabulary recall.  You know how you'll try to think of a word, and you'll know you've used it, and can even almost sort of picture it in your mind, but you just can't quite remember what it is?  I do that all the time.  With really common words, like "cupcake".  It's a bitch when I'm writing, but I've usually got thesaurus.com handy.  It's worse when I'm talking.  I'll either go silent for a few seconds and get the look of a dazed chimp, or I'll be talking so fast I'll insert the wrong word, like "tomorrow" instead of "yesterday", "thinger thinger" instead of "remote control", or "Bob Saget" instead of "spoon."  It's like talking to Borat, except it's funny-sad instead of funny-haha.
6. I was born with a prehensile tail and blue skin.  As a child my looks forced me to join the circus, where I trained as an acrobat, using my unique "skills" to entertain paying throngs in Bavaria.  In puberty I developed a mutant power to teleport by opening a portal into another dimension, travelling through it via an unconscious direction-finding sense, and returning to this dimension.  It was only after local villagers discovered my power and, believing me to be a demon responsible for several local killings, cornered me and were about to kill me.  Fortunately, the Professor had come to recruit me for his secret band of mutant heroes, and he froze the villagers and rescued me.  I've fought for justice ever since.

Since I'm required by blog law to tag people (otherwise the Nigerian prince or the girl with cancer will die!) I'll tag Mr. Big Dubya (because he hates memes) and everyone reading this who lives in Wisconsin. 

His Wife is the Murderer. Enjoy the Rest of Your Book.

I didn't get my shots in time.  That book meme that's been going around?  I caught it.  Kemp gave it to me.  And he KNOWS that I'm not a speed-reader.

But, as I've mentioned before, memes are quite useful when you're completely incapable of original thought.  And I hate to leave taggers hanging.  And as you've already seen I like to make lists of things.  And it's Friday so why not.

One Book That Changed My Life

Changed my life?  That's a heavy burden for any book.  I mean, Star Wars changed my life--how does a book compete with that?  The closest I can come up with is The Lorax by Dr. Seuss.  It completely altered my world-view on life on earth, our place in it, and the importance of protecting it.  It should be required reading for everyone in the EPA, and may actually be at the president's reading level.

One Book I Read More Than Once

For once I'm going to avoid the obvious and not select anything by Tolkien.  By now it should go without saying that I've absorbed his collective works into my blood stream.  But I haven't reread anything else in a long time.  I'll go back to college, when I read A Brief History of Time at least three times.  The first two times were because I didn't quite get it, admittedly, but anybody who can try to explain the universe 224 pages and nearly succeed gets my vote.

One Book I'd Want On a Desert Island

I hate this question, because the obvious answer would be a book titled How to Survive and Flourish on a Desert Island.  We can't all be Jeff Probst.  I'm assuming it will be primitive living, in which I'll converse with a volleyball and perform dentistry with an ice-skate.  And if I really close my eyes and imaging what I'd want with me in that setting I think I'd pick The Histories by Herodotus.  I mean, it's the beginning of everything, and the stories are wild and entertaining for being 2000 years old.  (And no, I'm not intentionally being pretentious...I really do dig this book)

One Book That Made Me Laugh

 Our Dumb Century by the writers of the Onion.  I had to stop drinking beverages while reading it.

One Book I Wish I'd Written

Any Harry Potter book, because (a) I would have had a hand in getting millions of kids to turn off the TV and read, and (b) I'd be wearing diamond-encrusted boxers and eating komodo dragon eggs on my own 500' yacht.

One Book I Wish Had Never Been Written

I'm going to get in big trouble for this, but my initial temptation is to say The Bible.  How many people have suffered and died because of the way this book has been interpreted and misinterpreted over the centuries?  It's been used to institutionalize corruption, justify genocide, and radicalize the crazy people who quote it's passages but ignore it's message.  BUT I have to admit it has also done an awful lot of good, and if it hadn't been written someone else would have written something similar that people would have used to justify prejudice and warfare.  (Also, being a Catholic with vivid images of Hell emblazoned in my soul I like to hedge my bets).  So instead, I'm going to go for the less controversial The Da Vinci Code.  Why?  Because of all the times people said, "You haven't read The Da Vinci Code?  You HAVE to read The Da Vinci Code!  It's awesome."  And it sucked.

One Book I'm Reading Now

I just finished The Keep by Jennifer Egan (good book, easy read, clever twist at the end) and last night picked up The Ruins by Scott Smith.  If the Amazon reviewers are right I may not be reading it long, so I've got some George R.R. Martin waiting in the wings.

One Book I've Been Meaning to Read

I've been carrying around a copy of A Clockwork Orange for about a decade now.  It's been in my luggage on vacations, on my bedside table, and prominently displayed on my bookshelf.  And I've never gotten past the second page.  I just keep thinking, "I should read this, but there's this other book I think I'm more in the mood for."  So it waits.  And waits.  And waits. 

Tag, You're It -- as is required by meme law, I must now tag three people to complete this, too.  I'll tap Zygote Daddy (who will be up late a LOT in the days ahead), Flailing My Arms, and L.A. Daddy.

Somewhere Beyond the Sea

I've been noodling on the meme Freezio sent me for nearly a week now.  I've been posed the "desert island" question before (not the "dessert island" question, the answer to which begins and ends with ice cream) but usually on road trips when we only brought one worn-out cassette tape with us.  After hearing "Battle of Evermore" for the 30th time your minds starts to wander, and it was a good way to  dig up embarrassing things about your friends ("You'd bring Toto IV to an island?  Quick, push him out of the car!") 

So, if you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring three of the following items, what would they be?

BOOKS

This is a tough one.  At the pace I read I'd probably still be reading the second one by the time I died of old age.  There's lots of great books out there, but not a lot that I can reread if necessary.  Should I bring "The Lord of the Rings" even though I've read it so many times I can translate dwarvish runes myself?  Should I pick "classics" to finally complete my high school English reading list?  Or should I bring a survival book, 'cause it's a desert island and all?  Here's what I settled on:

• America: The Book - Jon Stewart.  It doesn't matter what page I open up to, I'm laughing within ten seconds.  Funniest.  Book.  Ever.
• The Sandman Series - Neil Gaiman.  I know, it's technically more than one book...a series of comic books/graphic novels, actually.  But it reads better than 99% of anything else I've read, and comes the closest to summing up the human experience of anything since Da Bard.  And it's got pictures
• The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand.  I struggled with picking this as my last book.  I really wanted to bring Catch-22, As I Lay Dying, or Hyperion, and the Rand is a little trite and conceited.  But it probably wouldn't hurt to have a book of self-empowerment handy, especially if it's 752 pages long.

MOVIES

Also a tough one.  I love movies, and it's so hard to rate them against each other.  I almost went for the obvious choices, like The Godfather and Caddyshack.  But I imagined myself watching them on an island and it just didn't work for me.  By the way, how would I watch movies on a desert island?  Would I have to make a DVD player out of coconuts or something?  Anyway, after some deep introspection I'm crossing my fingers and picking these three:

• The Lord of the Rings - Yeah, the whole trilogy, extended editions.  It's just one big 12 hour movie anyway.  It takes something special to replace Star Wars in my heart (this helped) but these movies were freakin' sweet!  And they eliminate the need to bring the books, too, so there.
• Strange Brew - Beauty movie, eh.
• Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - I almost caved and put The Empire Strikes Back (you can never completely replace Star Wars) but this got the edge.  There's a dozen imitations of this flick out there (all starring Zhang Ziyi, which is fine with me) but I still watch this with wide-eyed wonder.  It's deep, it's spiritual, and it has chicks with swords.

MUSIC

I really tried to make this one competitive.  I considered Dylan's Blood on the Tracks, Bowie's Hunky Dory, Wilco's Being There, Soul Coughing's Irresistible Bliss, Green Day's Dookie, Fleetwood Mac's Rumours, Def Leppards' Pyromania, even Dave Brubeck's Time Out.  All worthy choices.  I even thought about cheating with Bob Marley's Legend, but there's no need to evoke an island feel while I'm foraging for beetles in the sand.  In the end it always comes back to the same three albums for me.  No matter how far-ranging my tastes may be, I always end up putting these platters back on (much to my wife's dismay) and I don't think I'll ever get sick of them.  I'm simple that way.

• Exile on Main Street - The Rolling Stones
• London Calling - The Clash
• Highway to Hell - AC/DC

PEOPLE

The rules state no spouse or kids, so I'm off the hook on Oodgie and Cheeky, although I'm sure Oodgie would appreciate the beach time.  I think they're better off with working plumbing, anyway.  Books, movies, and music are relatively easy because I can just consume those.  People you have to interact with and get along with.  For a long time.  By yourselves.  Gah!  I thought about wimping out and bringing Sayid, Locke, and Hurley, but that's too easy.  I thought about bringing the Professor (I'll bet HE can make a DVD player out of coconuts) but again, too easy.  I thought about bringing Dom Deluise so we could all feast off his carcass for a few months, but I'll assume cannibalism isn't necessary for this exercise.  It started making my head hurt.  So don't hold me to this list--it's up for revision--but I suppose you could do worse than this bunch:

• Mark Twain - The guy was funny, and could tell a story.  I'll bet that would come in handy on a desert island.  He was a correspondent in Hawaii for the Sacramento Union when they were still called the Sandwich Islands, so might even know a thing or two.  He just seems like good company to me.
• Clancy Brown - Dude, he was the Kurgan!  He was Rawhide!  He was in Shawshank and Starship Troopers!  Dude, he was the Kurgan!  Did I say that already?
• Marisa Miller - This is a desert island, right?  And I'm trapped there, right?  And Oodgie can't come, right?  I'm just trying to be pragmatic, here.

That was exhausting.  Last time I had a meme I tagged Massachusetts, so this time I'll tag....Illinois!  You're up, kids! 

This Day in History x3

Landismom (who may or may not actually be Lando's mom) over at Bumblebee Sweet Potato tagged me with a meme a few days ago.  I think I've seen this one floating around, but if so I never got tagged before, and since I won't be around for a few days this seemed like as good a time as any to do it. 

So here goes....in threes...

20 years ago I...

• Was a member of a "gang" named R.O.A.D. (Rebels of American Destruction)  The extent of our menace was stealing traffic cones
• Was spending endless hours playing Ultima III on my Commodore computer
• Was wondering what secrets we'd find in Al Capone's vault

10 years ago I...

• Had a goatee
• Was explaining to my manager how important this new "internet" thing was going to be to our company
• Was so money, but didn't even know it

5 years ago I...

• Was getting over a girl who had unceremoniously dumped me...the last one to do so
• Was hopeless addicted to Napster
• Was beginning to wonder if The Simpsons and The X-Files were ever going to be good again

3 years ago I...

• Was buying the tux for my wedding
• Could not believe how bad the Matrix sequels were
• Was really, really glad I wasn't living in California.

1 year ago I...

• Forgot Mother's Day (but you knew that already)
• I snuck out of work to see Episode III...twice
• Was trying very hard not to think about how much my life would change at the beginning of July

So far this year I...

• Escaped Hell
• Have seen the promised land....and have been stopped by the bouncer
• Probably did something they'll need to send a cyborg from the future to undo

Yesterday I...

• Did some stuff...
• ...and some other stuff
• Oh!  I wondered why Sayid was the only person with a brain among the castaways

Today I...

• Didn't get to finish my coffee before I left home
• Hooked two co-workers on allofMP3.com
• Just missed a downpour as I was about to leave the office

Tomorrow I will...

• Fly to New Orleans for a bachelor party
• Encourage my friends to do things they will regret later
• Not go to bed

In the next year I will...

• Watch Cheeky learn to walk, talk, and hopefully memorize the complete lyrics to Powerage.
• Single-handedly fend off an invading force of fleshy-headed mutants, but no one will know about it.  That's how I roll.
• Wear sunscreen

Three people to tag...

I'm not going to pick on anyone in particular this time, so let's just say that if you live in...how about Massachusetts....and you haven't done this one yet, you're up.  And you know who you are....

A Six-Pack Before We Go

Today is all about packing for our big trip to Spokane and WCG².  There's a lot of debate about what goes on the plane (books, toys, DVDs) and what stays (any semblance of comfort or sanity) but overall we're excited.  I'm told that rugs have been shampooed (they have a dog with a bladder-control problem), rooms have been baby-proofed, and the Easter Bunny has left something for Cheeky.  Most of my family haven't even seen her yet, and I think they're getting pretty worked up. 

What I don't know is how much blogging (if any) I'll be doing this week.  I expect there to be a LOT of excellent fodder for discussion, but my parents still have VCR's which flash 12:00, so I'm thinking the wireless internet access I'm used to won't be so readily available.  In the meantime, though, I was simultaneously tagged by The Beans Dad, Peter at Tutu Boutique, and Mo-Wo, with this meme.  So while I'm getting my relatives to form orderly lines as they await their playtime with Cheeky you can enjoy these Six Strange Things/Facts/Habits About Me:

1. When I was in high school my first real job was as a janitor at Safeway.  I worked my way up to "Courtesy Clerk," then "Helper Clerk," and only then was I finally promoted to "Checker."  Perhaps in a future post I will tell you all the horrifying secrets of your local grocery store that you really don't want to know.
2. I can recite "The Jabberwocky" from memory in its entirety.  "Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe / All mimsy were the borogoves, and mome raths outgabe."
3. I didn't really believe that professional wrestling was fake until good guy Leaping Lanny Poffo disappeared for a month and re-emerged as a villain called "The Genius."  I felt betrayed.
4. For a brief period in 1981, I thought that Air Supply was a really good band.  I have spent the last 25 years trying to compensate.
5. Fabulous secret powers revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, "By the Power of Grayskull!"
6. I cannot roll my tongue

Now that I've exposed part of my dark underbelly, I must now pass this along to six other victims worthy fellow bloggers.

• chelsyliz at Young Master Michael
• Kris at WonderMom
• KristieD at...KristieD
• Steve at The Hygiene Chronicles
• Melissa at Issas World
• And my Aussie pal Peter at Chocolate Makes it Better

By the way, tune in late next week when the lovely and talented Oodgie makes a guest appearance at DadCentric.  I'm hoping it will be a glowing endorsement of her husband, but it's more likely to be a sarcastic exposure of everything embarrassing she can dig up on me. 

I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'

Nothing makes you appreciate the time you spend with your family over the holidays than the first day back at the office.  It's no secret that my love for my job is about as strong as a wet spaghetti noodle, but man is it hard trying to reacquaint myself with work after a week of snuggling with wife and child and ignoring all responsibility.  My to-do list is as long as ever, and aside from one phone call I've made precisely zero progress on it.  Take THAT Corporate America!  You may enslave, me but you can't get me to do your bidding!  What, our bonuses aren't final yet?  Um...OK, let me get right on that report you needed....

I got a late Christmas present from MIM a couple days ago...a meme!  Fun for me, as it removes all accountability for being interesting and clever, and I can just go into SAT question/response mode.  Let me brew up some coffee, get my #2 pencil ready, establish solid line-of-sight with my neighbors paper, and dive right in:

First, I need to tag five people:

1. Mr. Big Dubya

2. Phat-Daddy

3. Because I’m Your Father

4. Friday Playdate

5. Chris at Rude Cactus

Because I know you all love these sooooo much

What were you doing ten years ago?

I was living in Minneapolis, probably freezing my nuts off. That may have been the year the high temperature didn’t break 0 for six days straight, my car actually froze to the road, and they set the record for lowest non-wind-chill temperature at –60. I was living in a grungy one-bedroom apartment in Uptown, spending every night trying to convince my friends to play pool and exploring the marvelous beer list at Williams Pub, catch a flick at the Lagoon theater, or see the Offspring or Soul Asylum at First Ave. I rode my bike to work (although not in January), dated sporadically, and even had a side job at the French Meadow Bakery selling vegan cookies and discussing the drug problems of the rest of the staff (get the sourdough…you never know what secret ingredient may have accidentally spilled into the dough).  We'd bring the day old muffins to the bar next door after closing and get free pitchers until 1 AM.  Generally I felt unhinged most of the time since I was bored bored bored bored. I miss those heady days before my life had meaning sometimes…

What were you doing one year ago?

I was just getting comfortable with the concept of being a dad, which for me is not dissimilar from ignoring it. Most significantly, I was in the middle of the biggest career change of my life, jumping ship from the company I grew up in to their arch-enemy (which had always been described as the Dark Side, and was officially confirmed about a week after starting) and was doing last minute planning for a trip to Hawaii. Man, a lot has happened since then.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Nachos – is that a snack or a food group? (I’m on a life-long quest to find the world’s perfect nachos…if you can recommend a place I will fly to your town and test them with you.)
2. Beer, and not your crappy Coorsmilweiser…the regional/micro-brew/imported kind
3. Pretzel cookies from Whole Foods
4. Hummus
5. Cheese, Gromit….cheese!

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics

1. "Rock Me Gently" by Andy Kim
2. "Bust a Move" by Young MC
3. "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" by Georgia Satellites
4. "Don’t You Want Me" by Human League
5. "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks

I also still remember all of "Tubthumping" and most of Schoolhouse Rock, but who doesn’t?

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

1. Pay off some debt
2. Completely upgrade every electronic component in my house and network the crap out of the place so I could operate the DVD player with my eyes.
3. Invest so my wife never has to work again
4. Get some property, maybe in Tuscany or Cap Ferrat
5. Keep a wad of benjamins in my pocket so I can whip them out whenever I’d like to say “maybe this will refresh your memory” or “I don’t need this stinkin’ job, bee-atch!”

Five bad habits

1. I pick at my sideburns.
2. I clip my nails in the living room
3. I roam the floor at work looking for bowls of candy
4. I don’t know when to turn off the TV, even when my body or wife is sending me clear signals
5. I chase, kill and eat hobos

Five things I like doing

1. Pursuing intellectual discourse in the company of like-minded people
2. Video game marathons
3. Long showers
4. Fantasy football (to the exclusion of all else sometimes)
5. Rubbing my face in Cheeky’s belly

Five things you never wear, buy, or get new again

1. Nipple rings
2. Cats-eye glasses
3. Oakland Raider face-paint
4. Tube tops
5. Trucker hats

My favorite toys

1. My iPod, but that’s more of a medical life-support device at this point
2. My unlicensed nuclear accelerator
3. My laser pointer
4. This stupid rubber diaphragm-like thing I got in a Captain Crunch box in 1993, which was later recalled because someone either chocked or was injured with it. You turn it inside out, place it on your desk, and it pops into the air. Hours of fun on a conference call
5. Cheeky!

Now get back to work.