Cheeky's Hideaway

I'm ALERT and WIDE AWAKE. BZZZZZZ

First, a serious moment to honor the memory of Scotty, who was beamed up today.   Ay, Cap'n...I don't know if she'll hold together without you.

I'm constantly amazed by how much about the human body I'm learning about as consequence of having a miniature version of one around.  You can actually feel things like gastro-intestinal system at work in this little creature, which is cool in a science-fair sort of way.  Not that I would ever prop Chloe up in front of some tag-board and ask people to feel her stomach. mind you, especially next to one of those baking soda volcanoes. 

I mention this only because we discovered that the cup of coffee Claudia's drinking turns into something much more evil when it gets to Chloe.  Apparently we were the only people who didn't know that caffeine causes gas, cramping, bloating, and a generally fussy kid.  Instead, we just figured we was still hungry and kept feeding her until she spilled over like....well, like a baking soda volcano!  This didn't work, obviously, as she was had a huge weather balloon chasing Number Six through her intestines. 

Fortunately, this only applies to the mother, as Dad plans to keep contributing about 6% of Starbucks global revenue, and has actively campaigned to have them open an outlet in Queens. 

It's just a wafer-thin mint...

Important lesson learned tonight.  Chloe had never actually spit up when we burped her, so I figured I didn't need the burp cloth lying a mere foot away.  Bad idea.  Chloe turned into Adriana with the feds, and ejected a spray of barfoplasm with such force the recoil knocked me backwards a foot.  Linda Blair would be proud.  Fortunately for our furniture--but unfortunately for me--my pants are ultra-absorbent, although it's possible we may yet find residue on the wall across the room.  We should never have bought that new couch.

Speaking of which, we expect delivery of our new sectional tomorrow, which I believe seats 12.  Very exciting.  Claudia, who is shrinking rapidly, and hopes to compete for the bantamweight championship next year, will be home to take delivery while I'm at work in Queens.  She's slowly recovering, but is grateful to not have delivered the "Big Enchilada".  She is periodically running errands with Chloe, despite weather-conditions usually found on Venus.  Now, if we can just keep our @$!&$@*&!! power from going out every time our A/C goes on...

When did she eat corn?

Chloe and Claudia left the hospital this morning, and are back on Pineapple Street.  The high-pitched squealing of other newborns has been replaced by the soothing sound of jackhammers.  Ah, it's good to be home.

Most of today was an advanced course on feeding, including a tutorial in the morning and some field-work in the afternoon.  We may squeak by with a C+ right now, but we're working to bring the grades up.  Still, Chloe is definitely eating something, based on the copious quantity of pollutants she is producing.  I'm sure it's just a matter of time before we get fined by the EPA.  I had always secretly hoped that I wouldn't have to change many diapers if I had a kid, but after changing three in about an hour' that fantasy was put to rest.  She also has a Houdini-like ability to free herself from swaddling blankets, and I'm considering moving duct-tape into her changing table as a precaution.

Despite the occasional meltdown (you'd freak out, too, if you were sitting in 20 cubic tons of sewage) she's been really well-behaved and calm.  Claudia even caught an hour of sleep earlier, tripling her total for the week.  Based on the last few hours, though, that total may stand for a day or two longer....